Hustlerdiariez

  • A.A. Meetings

    I hope you read this.


    Met you in a place where beauty doesn’t thrive.
    Yet there you were, in the darkness providing light.
    So beautiful that the English language lacks the words to give an accurate description.
    Unlike anyone I’d ever encountered instantly I had a new addiction.


    A breath of fresh air to my air starved lungs.
    I know we didn’t spend enough time
    for me to develop any strong feelings.
    I ask myself it couldn’t have been fake.
    I felt the real thing.
    You are special to me, through you a path to healing.
    The thought of you has me pacing back and forth all accross the ceiling.


    Then as quickly as it began it all came to a stop.
    The truth came out and I had to let my hopes drop.
    The way I was addressed made me feel betrayed. How could I have known that this is how you would behave.

    Regardless of how things transpired. I want you to know you are thought of fondly. I want you to know there is no regret nor hard feelings.


    I know there is outside influence factoring in your decision.
    If he were gone I know where’d you’d be
    that’s just what I envision.
    I want to hold you.
    To tell you.
    To show you….
    So that you may know how precious to me you are those few moments you let me hold you.
    I know our story is not yet completed.
    Chapter 1 is done.
    Till next time…. keep reading.

    By: Jose Serrano

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  • When It’s All Over

    For far too long I’ve pretended that I have no heart. Now all I can feel is this all consuming sadness and yearning.
    My hopes are dashed, my spirit is broken and the cold that has taken hold of me is relentless.

    I understand that people who are never happy, never want to be. It’s like chaos and conflict are their means to homeostasis. There cannot be one without the other. I wish you were more than just okay with what you have done. If you are to do things, do them righteously.

    As I leave behind the dreams and the ideal of endless possibilities I must bravely set forth on a journey to this brand new world. Whichever life you choose know that it is that life that you have earned. Or the one that you have made for yourself.

    When you are old and grey remember me with fondness in your heart. For it is with that same regard and esteem that you are thought and spoken about. I don’t know if I take up space in the halls of your memory.
    If I do I hope it is in the same warm manner that you are remembered.

    Life has taken and life has given. It’s the natural order of things. My experience with life, is reflected by your eyes. That is to say beautiful. I miss you and I don’t want to spend another night alone with only the memory of you as company. It is also the most defeating thing to have to wake up and not have you next to me.

    I know we all have problems and we do the best we can. I am sorry if at times I felt like I was entitled to pass judgment on you. I was hurt at the time. I was wrong for that. I see you in pain and in turmoil and my heart breaks for the catastrophic circumstances that you are going through.

    Know that you are beautiful and you are worth more than you are capable of believing. When you have a moment to yourself please allow our similarities to be what you base your perception of me on. It is true that we are not the same. Yet we are not that different.

    When this is all over I hope that you find your way back home…..to me.


    By : Jose Serrano

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  • Still Here

    Just because I don’t call you 50 times a day or leave a lot of messages doesn’t mean I’m over you. It really deepens my sense of loneliness and sadness when I get no response from you. I’d rather not call on you than get nothing but silence as an answer. Your silence speaks volumes to me. It’s something I’d rather not hear. I’ll never surrender my feelings for you. I’ll never stop longing for you. Sadly I’ll never stop searching for you in every one I meet. I look at our pictures multiple times a day and I just about lose it. There are people who once they enter into one’s life and leave. Leave tell tell marks they’ve been there. In my heart, in my soul. Your music, your laughter, the way you smile, the way you squeak when you’re happy. I love you with everything that I am. I don’t want to expose myself to you anymore than I do. I want you to know that this longing for you is more than nostalgia for what once was. It is a deep and devestating yearning for what could’ve been. I am still here.



    By: Jose Serrano
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  • No One But Me

    I am a liar. I find myself doing it all the time. To strangers, to my neighbors, to my friends, to my family, and sadly to myself. The deception is easy it comes to me like second nature. Or at least that is what I show them. Every time I walk by and am greeted I nod and smile. I’m okay. I’m alright. I say. That is the performance. But when the streets are empty and the world sleeps I don’t. Alone in my solitude at last I can be sincere. I can be honest. I’m not okay. I hurt more than I thought humanly possible. I feel broken and empty. Abandoned and forgotten. I am disgusted with myself. Given my heart wanted and all that my soul needed. I sabatoged it. Im not okay. I look at my arms and I feel loneliness so deep that not even an echo returns to me when I scream your name. Desolate I am. Broken I will be. Forever incomplete. No one knows. No one but me. I miss you.

    By: Jose Serrano

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  • Every Day That Passes

    With every day that passes I will be here to show you that not only are you loved, missed as well as needed. Please do not let time escape you for time changes the heart. It blurs memories and changes the faces that we love.

    With every day that passes your silence echos louder in the chambers of my lonely heart. The reverberating acoustic note of your indifference is heard in the depths of my soul. It is like a frost.

    With every day that passes the hope and anticipation of seeing you again are as deep fresh water wells that sustain me. In this most desolate of places where there should only be howling wind and scorching heat. I found the refuge of this oasis.

    With every day that passes I know that I am in peril. I waited for you but months have passed and my heart has weakened. Hope has abandoned me and anticipation has driven me to the edge of insanity.

    I waited for you. You forsook me in this unforgiving landscape. As I lay here looking up at blue skies before I am taken into rest only one sound escaped my lips…….. I said your name and it was dry, but it was not bitter. Then I breathed my last and all was lost to the wind. 

    By: Jose Serrano

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  • I Miss You

    • I know you don’t want anything to do with me anymore and I guess I deserve that. I’m not going to ask you to turn around and come back since you have already left. Since we last spoke my heart has been in a state of unremitting upheaval. I no longer know what is real or what is a construct of my imagination. Since I am no longer master of my own life. I have become a victim of it. Without you, I have lost my way and as sure as the tears that have blinded me are still pouring from my heart are bitter… I miss you.


    • In the morning when I wake up I hear no birds singing and see no light. I think about you and when I do, I fall into a pit of sadness and pain. The kind that seems to only go away when I am sleeping. Or when I escape this sad somber world. I see you in everything that I think is beautiful and feel you when I am alone. I don’t think you know what it’s like to love someone who doesn’t care to speak to you. I hope you never feel what I am now feeling.


    • The simple truth us that there is now a wide void in my heart so deep it makes itself felt in my soul. In my truest of hearts desires I quietly wish for your happiness. In the deepest part of me I wish it was I that gave you such joy. It is in you and around you that I have found mine. These words will never be able to fully express my love for you and what it is like to not have you around to speak to. Wether it be something that carries weight and meaning to the insignificant. I miss the sound of your laughter.


    • I miss you. In so many ways and for so many reasons. I miss your body. I miss your touch. I haven’t felt complete since I was in your presence. This empty feeling that persist in me is as close to me as my own shadow. It never leaves me. Which is something I wish you could’ve done. I miss you. If we ever happen to cross paths please don’t treat me as a stranger. If we don’t please know that happiness is what I want for you.

    By: Jose Serrano

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  • Sorry

    I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you sooner, maybe I could have saved you. But the old you is dead and I wonder who is the monster that made you.

    Im sorry I think about you and the weight of your burdens. It’s not as heavy as the weight in my heart when I’m hurting. I lost myself inside of you while trying to find some truth. Say you don’t lie but that’s all you do.

    Went to you when I needed comfort and affection. What I found instead was abuse and rejection. You speak to me again through your silence. You’ve lost your heart but to you is where mine went. Not an enemy never have I been. No matter what you say or what you believe you will always be my friend.

    I’m sorry for hurting you because I know that did. I hope that one day you learn to be loved and know to forgive. I’m sorry I didn’t get to be the person you needed. Like you I am tired of being hurt and mistreated.

    I’m sorry that we never got to see our plans come into fruition. When you come to mind it’s always the same image I envision. I’m sorry that lately we I’m sorry for the way I reacted to your confession. I’m sorry that you constantly feel like you have to bring up my transgressions.

    I don’t think it’s right or that it’s fair that we never talk about what you’ve done. I think we’ve gone too far with this you’ve won. Im sorry that we no longer get along and happiness seems to evade us. If we stand back and can be sincere we will see what a lack of restraint does. I don’t want to say it but this is a strange love. Im sorry that we only get along long enough to blame lust.

    I’m sorry you are such a mess. I’m sorry that I didn’t get to tell you the things my heart is yearning to express. Perhaps it is true that somethings are better left unsaid. Calls that were never answered, the same for letters that were sent but never read.

    I’m sorry that you can’t be who and what you use to be. I remember all the times I was at your door just to be told to leave. I turned around and walked down this empty street.

    By: Jose Serrano

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  • The Promise

    Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be afraid.
    I was with you in the past.
    I will be with you today.
    I will be there tomorrow.
    I will also be there through your sorrow.

    I will give you comfort in times of grief
    And help you find relief.
    If its done than it will be according to your belief.
    Instead of focusing on what you want Focus on what u need

    Do not doubt and let your heart give way to despair.
    Believe when I say I’m never far because I’m always there. I know you inside and out and my support is something you will never go without.

    When you fall it is I who will pick you back up.
    If you are injured it is I who will be your crutch.
    Your broken spirit I will nourish.
    To your fearful heart I will give courage.
    I am the voice of reason In times of madness.
    I am the reason you smile in times of sadness.

    If you are lonely, I will befriend you.
    If you are broken, I will mend you
    If you are weak, I will defend you
    If you are lost, I will receive you
    From any and all pain, I will heal you.

    So I will be yours through faith.
    Tell me what you require to smile
    And it will be provided.
    Love, you will never be denied it.
    I promise

    By: Jose Serrano

    From the confines of a prison cell

    Hustlerdiariez.tumblr.com

  • The Conflict Within Me

    The Conflict Within Me

    ” I’m not going to be able to concede the fact that I have lost you. In me there is a tumultuous upheaval taking place. My pride and ego wage a war on my heart and soul. My heart is weakened to the point of failure. My soul is lost and in pain. Yet my pride will not allow me to show it. My ego will not allow me to admit it. So here I am in my suffering wishing I still had you.”

    By: Jose Serrano

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  • Castaway

    “I don’t know why we had to drift off in two opposite directions. You on one course and I on another. It’s clear as the tears that fill this bottomless depth that was once us, has sank and been claimed by the abyss. How will I navigate my way when I have no sun above me or stars to show me the way. I will miss you terribly and long to see you once again. I wish you a safe journey. May you reach your destination soundly and peacefully. Please remember me for out there on the currents is a castaway that will never forget you.”

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