Where I Am

At the end of all this there is darkness. 

Darkness is what has always been. 

It will be all that there ever was. 


In the waning light as the beams recede. 

Shadows awaken from their sleep. 

Stalking in silence they move so slow they creep. 


They are hidden from skeptical eyes.

Though from nothing and no one they hide.

This darkness that most fail to see.

 

To me is no stranger, no danger to me.

In this darkness that most attempt to dilute.

We surrender what in light can never bare fruit.

Where light can reach no further.

I find the peace that I so frantically search for.

Because I desire what is different.

I’m tossed aside and kept at a distance.

Unacknowledged, pushed down, unloved asked for help but they dismissed it.

Into the embrace of darkness I surely drifted.

 

If their way of thinking were somehow different.

If they ever stood where I now stand.

If they knew how much I need them.

Obligated to be my family but could we reconcile and be friends.
So I hold onto the only thing I have because it knows me.

It doesn’t neglect, reject, or mistreat me. 

When I am alone it’s the only thing that holds me.

It fills me with courage and gives me strength completely.

 

In it I find all I have ever lost or  misplaced. 

Have we really thought about the cost of this place.

My heart is fragmented and what is broken continues to break.

I see now that I have lost my ability to feel safe.

 

Most of my discomfort and all of my displeasure.

I want them to feel this pain and bend to this pressure.

Want to give them everything they gave me.

If once they loved me I want for them to finally hate me.

 

Yet here alone I stand.

 

Back where it began……  Darkness

 

 

-Jose Serrano

 

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